Big Feelings. Bigger Help.

Last week, we chatted a bit about clearing clutter to make room to parent well.

I want to continue that conversation this week.

Let’s start with an “incident” with my oldest.

I won’t go into details, because first, they aren’t that important… and secondly, they are more her details than mine to share anyway.

But let’s just say, E was feeling some big feelings, made a poor choice that shocked ME, which then made me have to take a step back before dealing with the situation. Because without that space for a minute or so, my own big feelings would not have handled the situation well at all.

I think any parent can appreciate what I’m talking about.

In the past, I probably would have just called the problem what it was and go ahead and dish out/allow for the consequence to come on in… but not this time.

This time, I followed some of the talking points that Dr. Becky mentioned in some posts/stories on Instagram. And it played out surprisingly well.

We started off talking about feelings… and how there isn’t such a thing as a “bad” one. Saying this point blank to my daughter made her mouth drop a bit. We talked about how feelings can FEEL bad, and how we can do wrong things with them… but the feeling itself? It is a messenger. It is something our bodies and beings have to let us know that something doesn’t feel right or isn’t right about a situation. Maybe something we believe is important isn’t happening. Or maybe something we feel shouldn’t be happening is. Our bodies let us know. Our feelings come up to tell us something is off. They tell us to pay attention– and it serves us to listen to what they are saying.

More specifically, our feelings conversation focused on anger– because that was the big feeling that provoked the choice that shouldn’t have been made. And whereas anger itself isn’t bad, because even JESUS was angry, we can choose to use that feeling to hurt ourselves and other people– which isn’t right. We talked about how, the next time her big feelings get too much, she should find me and tell me and we can figure out what to do with that big feeling together.

(Pain point: I soveryoften feel my children’s feelings and take them on myself, so that makes big feelings suuuuper hard for me to work through with them. But that’s my own thing to work through and clear out.)

My 8 year old isn’t the only one in the house who has been on the struggle bus recently.

<<cough>>

This 30something has been having her own big feelings recently.

Lots of big stressors makes it easier for my personal triggers to be mashed and throttled. And Lord bless them, my kiddos can mash and throttle those buttons. What normally I feel I have the grace and ease to handle, with big stressors… I don’t anymore.

Right now, we have been hitting car troubles, financial troubles, family issues, etc., + the whole “the pandemic still isn’t letting life get back to normal and it’s been a whole stinking year now and can’t this thing just stop already” thing.

All of the big things hitting at once, merged with the chronic pandemic fatigue, taps on an underlying lie that I fall into the trap of believing all the time: that if I have hope, or have gratitude, or take a breath or rest or really feel happy– somehow, it invites bad things to happen.

Now, I KNOW that’s not true. I KNOW it’s bad theology and my Jesus doesn’t work that way. But it’s a struggle.

All of this conversation and thinking and processing brings me to Thursday. I’m driving E to piano and she brings up an incident where she had a big feeling. And we started talking it through and pulling it apart a bit. As we finished the conversation, she heaved a big sigh and said, “It was a big feeling, and I didn’t like feeling it.”

“But did it show you something?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said. “And what it showed me, I guess that was good.”

And it was behind that steering wheel, as I was getting into a median for a left turn, I heard it. 

That Still Small Voice that whispers in your soul Epiphanies so beautiful that a breath escapes your body.

All my life, I’ve heard it, and if you are a Christian, you’ve heard it, too… so let’s just all recite Romans 8:28 together:

“All things work together for good…”

We know it’s true because God says it true. And we might even know its truth more personally, versus in the abstract. I do. I’ve seen it. Some of the hardest road and trials I have personally faced I can look back at now and see God’s Hand in it– though it looked invisible at the time. 

But that life experience doesn’t change the fact that I still wrestle with my faith sometimes. I’ve never really had a hard time believing that God is Sovereign. But His Goodness? THAT’s what Satan and the fallen world likes to cast shadows of doubt on.

But you see, it is His Goodness that is my Epiphany.

Maybe, just like feelings aren’t necessarily good or bad… our circumstances are, too. We are so quick to label big circumstances that make us feel “bad” as bad themselves and rush to write off the value in them. We silence them and push them away because we don’t want to “feel” their “badness”… and instead, miss why we have them in the first place.

What if circumstances, like feelings, are messengers? And what if, instead of fighting our feelings, or rejecting and regretting what’s happening in our lives, we accept it all for what it is, know it has a purpose… and trust that when we have a hard time (because we will), we can and should reach out for Help.

What’s so wonderful about that Help, is that unlike our feelings and circumstances which come and go, ebb and flow…

Help is Ever Present.

The Big Four

Imagine: This week’s creative outlet isn’t connected to the kids. Note: the Big Four are just as necessary for mommas and caretakers. In fact, the term “mother culture” hits on this, and I’m a big fan. This week, I’ve taken a few minutes here and there to learn and practice a new crochet stitch and am making it into a blanket. I’m almost out of skeins, so will need to grab a few more this week. Read why making blankets is actually an anomaly for me, and why I’m glad I’m actually enjoying it this time.

Encourage: As this post has touched on, the main way I’m encouraging my kids is by working through my own Big Feelings and helping them handle theirs better. If you haven’t checked out Dr. Becky, I totally encourage you to!

Educate: We are starting a unit on fairy tales, and I’m super excited. We read East of the Sun to the West of the Moon this week, and it was the first time *I* had ever read it. E loved it. I read it aloud and do voices and all that (thanks, speech degree!), but here’s a video/reading of the story from the Blue Fairy Book. As with most fairy tales, there’s some things that strike adults as kinda weird, but kids are like, “no big deal.” Life’s funny.

Enjoy: To celebrate a new unit, we got a new game! We haven’t played it yet, but I’m heard great things about this one! Can’t wait to break it out tomorrow!


Making room to parent well

Relish Kitchen Organizing - Lake Zurich, IL, US 60047 | Houzz
(Not my actual kitchen. But it’s pretty, isn’t it? One day… one day…)


The kids were finally asleep and I meandered into the kitchen.

The next day was baking day, and since we do sourdough bread that needs some extra time to do the whole “natural leavening” thing, I decided to make the dough so it could rise while we slept.

However, before getting all the flour out and the starter and bowls down from the cabinet, I do what I always do before I make bread:

Clear the counters. Wipe them down.

It isn’t lost on me that in order to do something well, you have to clean up the clutter first.

I mean, you don’t technically have to, I guess. You could just put the ingredients down and around the dishes that need to be put away and the garbage that didn’t make it to the trash can yet.

But baking that way is stressful– it takes twice as long and adds way more problem-solving. Good luck not having to move 1,000 things to get to the measuring cups with doughy hands. It seems like the more you avoid cleaning, the more mess you actually make.

As I was wiping the counters down, it dawned on me.

Parenting well requires the same kind of effort.

People didn’t tell me that parenthood is basically re-realizing all the triggers you have carried from childhood. Maybe you were braver than me, or smarter than I was, but as I turned into an adult, I just kinda stuffed these memories and triggers away, thinking that since I was “grown-up,” I didn’t have to deal with those pesky thoughts and feelings anymore. I dug a hole and buried them deep, people.

So imagine my surprise when, as a parent of small persons, I find those thoughts and feelings resurfacing, cluttering up my mind and meddling in my own emotions… all while wanting to help guide my own kids through how to handle their own big feelings and hard things.

(It doesn’t help that I have a hard time just letting their feelings be THEIRS instead of turning them into mine as well… #workingonthat.)

I’m guilty of wanting to make them and shape them into what they should be– when I’m finding I have no room to do it well. My own clutter and junk are in the way.

Right now, I’m in the midst of reading about feelings and parenting and re-parenting. I’m hearing things for the first time about how to actually handle feelings– both my kids and my own– instead of stuffing or shaming them away.

I actually had a bit of an epiphany about feelings and circumstances and Sovereignty the other day. But I’m still processing that; hopefully, it will find some words and come in another post soon.

This week, I simply want to lay the groundwork for that bigger thought by encouraging you, whether you are a parent or not, to analyze what mental and emotional clutter is making it harder to accomplish what you need to.

Throw away what what doesn’t serve you anymore. Clean up and put away what you need.

It’s the only way to have room for what is most important now.

The Big Four


imagine: A big part of imagination for us is doing something creative… and this week we started a new handicraft! E has been wanting to work with knives and carve stuff… and I’m just not ready to jump into wood blocks and super sharp objects with littles around. So, we got some fun clay tools and handmade soap and began soap carving! It lays a good foundation to both wood working and sculpture for the future, and is useful now– because we like to wash hands a lot around here! Might as well suds up with a cute elephant, rights?

encourage: I’ve recently discovered Dr. Becky at Home on Instagram. Although I don’t agree with everything she says, her work and words has brought soooo many ah-ha moments for me recently. I’ve walked through some of the things that she has suggested with some “big feelings” over here, and am amazing at how they are starting to reshape the conversations I’m having with myself and with my kids– especially my oldest right now. If you haven’t checked her out, please do! I’ll link her here!

https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyathome/

educate: If you have kiddos who might be interested in soap carving, I’m going to drop some helpful links that might get you going. You can totally do the soap carving with the things that are mentioned in the videos themselves (paperclips, etc.), but my kids just LOVE tools and I know I’m going to use them for clay in the future. A lot of the videos call for Ivory soap because it’s soft, etc., but I opted for a natural handmade soap because we do our best to stay away from synthetic stuff over here. So, here you go! Stuff is hyperlinked below!

The tools we got
Soap Carving video: Teddy Bear, Butterfly, & Turtle
Soap Carving video: Bunnies (this video is my girlie’s goal for spring)


enjoy: Bouncing off of the Bernie meme from last week, I did my own homeschool mom version of the “kombucha” lady meme. I’ll go ahead and drop it here, for those who haven’t seen it.

Brittany Tomlinson, Kombucha Girl Blank Template - Imgflip

Here’s my version from this past week. 😂

We don’t want it.

This morning, my girl and I had a chat.

Goodness, as if talking about racism and privilege and protests and rights and equality and riots isn’t hard enough for adults… where do you begin with your 7 year old? Her mouth dropped open when I told her about George Floyd and the atrocity that happened and the why behind it… and I know her shock is proof of privilege.

We talked about how she will hear about people protesting— and how all people have the right to peacefully protest. To let their voices be heard. To make signs and march and tell the world that something is wrong and that things need to change.
She asked if protests make windows smash. And that led to tricky conversations about what riots are. And I told her that just because riots happen, that doesn’t change the fact that all people have the freedom of speech and right to protest.

I loaded the dishes in the dishwasher, noticing my girl had gotten out a marker and construction paper. She came to me once she was done.

“It’s my sign, momma,” she said.

“What is it that you don’t want?” I asked, reading her print.

“I don’t want meanness. It’s wrong to be mean like that to people, and I don’t want it. So I made a sign to let people know.”

Oh girlie. I pray you will always use your words and have a heart to speak up to stop the meanness around you.

If only everyone was so brave.

If only everyone in my generation and your generation and all the ones to come look at what has happened and is happening, declare “we don’t want it,” and do something about it.

Song on repeat this week:

Because the world groans. The world weeps. And He is still worthy.

My prayer for everyone.

Trust in the silence.

Every once in a while, I come upstairs when my husband is working on an extra project and just watch and listen to him work. He’ll hum a few notes to himself, click the mouse, play a chord or a melody line. It sounds so disjointed, honestly. There doesn’t seem much rhyme or reason or anything musical about it. Just an audible snippet here or there that might clue you in to a measure of a song or a taste of the melody. It seems like a dab of random with a whole lot more silence than what you’d think making an entire orchestration would be. But when he is done, and he pushes the button, suddenly it’s there: the entire song, with strings and brass and woodwinds. Percussion. The whole gamut.

But all you heard?

A hum or two.

My word. Isn’t that the way life is?

You want to trust the Orchestrator… but try as you might, you don’t get to hear the music in his head. You get dazzled by a pretty chord that escapes the keys, or distracted by a weird note that gets clicked in. But more than anything, you wonder how any beautiful music can come from long, long stretches of silence. It’s unnerving.

I think we all long to hear the music. To see how all the measures are going to play out. To see if there are some nice themes and repeating parts. I know I do. We want to hear all the parts together.

It’s hard to be patient with the process of creation.

It takes trust. Trust that the Orchestrator hears and knows it all in his head… and that each note is deliberately placed. The tempo is strategic.

It is so comforting to know that one day, we will finally get to hear the final piece… and we are even the music itself. We will be awed, not just by the song, but by the One who placed every. single. note. in it.

So listen closely. Catch what you can.

But rest in the fact the music will not be silent forever.

my thoughts on a Persuasive Pandemic

I’ve been in the world of persuasion and debate a LONG time.

I debated in high school and college. I started traveling as a debate judge and coach in grad school as a part of my teaching assistantship. I continued traveling as full-time college faculty member, and was the faculty advisor for our intercollegiate debate association. I have taught public speaking on the collegiate level— which included large units on persuasive discourse. And I have continued to teach debate in my community to high schoolers while I educate my own children, and run a business from home.

Added up, that’s going on 20 years of experience— over half of my life.  And while there are people who have definitely done debate longer and have a more impressive persuasive CV, I don’t consider myself a stranger to things such as analyzing persuasive communication and wading through research and statistics to create a perspective.

The purpose of this post isn’t to convince you that our current situation is overhyped or not being presented as dire enough.  The purpose is to get you to consider the information that you are absorbing by asking it some pretty important questions before “accepting” information as evidence of what is true.

Before we continue, a word about truth.

At the risk of sounding “postmodern” (for those who view that scary), can we all agree that NO ONE knows what the truth really is in this situation— and maybe any situation?  The experts don’t know, the law makers don’t know, the press doesn’t know.  You and I definitely don’t know.  We don’t really know how the virus works, who it will affect, why some countries are hit super hard and others aren’t.  We don’t know how long it is going to stick around.  We don’t know how many people have it, how many don’t, how long it has really been here.  We don’t know how it will affect our economy long-term… or how it will affect our own little family units.  We don’t know.

We predict, project, and speculate.  And then predict, project, and speculate some more. 

And then we all act on those predictions, projections, and speculations— you.  Your family.  Your community.  Your country.

So, I’d say it’s pretty important that we hold the information we are using to gauge our actions to a pretty high test, since it affects our actions so significantly. 

“But the statistics!,” you might be saying. “Numbers don’t lie!,” you might argue.

Oh, if only THAT were true.

Anyone who has worked with numbers and heard statistics regularly knows that there is always another way to crunch the numbers.  There is always another valid statistic out there that can argue the opposite of the position that is “proven” by other numbers.  Once you really start realizing how fallible numbers and the interpretation of them can be, you really start questioning how anyone can prove anything. (It goes to show you that believing a certain statistic over another contradicting one is an act of faith versus one of logic in a lot of instances.  But that’s another post for another time.)

To paraphrase, lots of people have the pretense of knowledge— but we are lacking in actual wisdom.

With that, let’s me jump into some pretty important questions you should be asking to any post, article, news story, graph, chart, etc., that you are seeing right now.

  1. Who is telling me this information, and what do they profit by giving it to me? 
  2. Is the information being presented ethically?

The answers to these questions are telling, and should affect how much “space” you give these sources in your head and in your decision-making.

First, who is telling me this information and what do they profit?

This lesson is one of the first ones I teach when I start teaching my students how to find and use evidence. If the source you are drawing from profits from you believing their information— in power or money— you should take their data with a pretty big grain of salt.

Does this mean that they will be inaccurate and that the information is always false?  Not necessarily. But the more that they profit, the more you should question the accuracy.  The bigger the profit gain or loss, the bigger the incentive to coerce information to their perspective.  Ask yourself if other, less-biased sources have similar findings.  

Something to consider is that, in times of crisis, both the mainstream press and the political arena are good at profiting off of extremes— making something seem way worse or way better than it is.  Why?  Because extremes grab exposure.  Headlines never say, “Nothing to see here.”  There is both power and money in widespread capturing of people’s attention.  We have seen this time and time again.  

A question to ask would be, is this happening now?

Who are you getting the most of your information from?  How much of the information are they actually giving you?  Do they give you a few soundbites, and spend the rest of the time interpreting parts of the whole?  What is the purpose of their message?

What emotional, versus logical, response is it asking you to have?

That leads us to our second main question.

Is the information being presented ethically? 

Your follow up question might be, “how would I know?”  If the article is asking for an emotional response over a logical one I mentioned above, that is a pretty big giveaway.  

If a story, etc., is laced with emotionally-charged language, little red flags should be going off.  Unless it is labeled as an opinion piece or a human interest story, we should see be seeing denotative language over connotative.  

The source definitely should not be employing questionable propaganda tactics to lead their audience to a polarizing “us vs. them” conclusion by the end of their article.  

As a small tangent, let’s talk a second about propaganda.  Propaganda itself isn’t a bad thing.  It’s neutral.  You can use it for bad or for good— but it IS a PERSUASIVE tool, not an informative one.  Also, there are many types of propaganda, but two are universally seen as unethical, although many are neutral.  Those two questionable kinds are name calling and card stacking.  

Name calling is intentional use of offensive names or language to win an argument.  Card stacking is a purposeful manipulation of the audience perception of an issue by emphasizing one side and repressing another.  

Both of these can be outright or implied, but if they are in an article, you should definitely begin to question the legitimacy of the message they are asking you to accept.

How do we apply this in this situation?

Does a news source you are reading call— or even imply— that anyone that disagrees with it is absurd or immoral in some way? Are they purposefully repressing and disregarding anyone that might think differently?

I *know* I have seen these tactics from both sides over the past week or two.  People even suggest that society should open up soon, and they are cast as money-grubbers, willing to sacrifice the elderly on the alter of our economy.  On the opposite side, people who are advocating for shelter-in-place or more stringent social distancing are portrayed as weaklings who are willing to rip up our rights as Americans and gladly become a communist country.

I would like to say that my language in the above paragraph is exaggerated for dramatic effect, but I’ve basically read those very words recently. I have seen them implied WAY more— not just in the comment sections of people’s posts— but by people and entities that are supposed to be representing facts.  

Those sources cannot claim to be unbiased in their reporting while simultaneously using questionable propaganda techniques to help support their conclusions.  But they are.

What’s worse? These articles are being shared. And shared. And shared again.

There’s one more facet to this “ethics” question that I’m going to mention here.

Let’s go back to debate. 

While making and arguing cases and points, good debaters use a lot of evidence.  Some of it can get deep and honestly, hard to listen and process— which can be a problem when you are wanting a judge to understand your point at one listening.  So, debaters do this thing called “tagging evidence.”  Basically, it’s a one sentence summary of what the judge can expect to hear in the evidence coming up.  Think of it like the evidence’s thesis statement, if you will.

Now, here’s the thing.  Some debaters want the judge to believe something, but can’t quite find the data to prove exactly what they want the judge to believe.  So, they will mis-tag the evidence, with the hope that the judge will write down and accept the tag without actually analyzing the data in the evidence itself.  It’s definitely a no-no in debate, and the other side can call out the misidentification and call into question the ethos of the team using those tactics.

So why risk this credibility blow?

Because a lot of times, it isn’t caught by the opposing team or the judge.  The team gets away with it and might even win the round because of it.  

What is very frustrating to me is that I see this “mis-tagging” happening over and over and over in news articles.  The titles of the articles have this attention-grabbing “fact” in it… but when you click the article and read it?  You find the information in many articles don’t actually say what the title suggested it should.  You realize that the article includes disclaimers and details that neutralize the sensationalism that the headline suggests.  

We don’t realize that right now, we are in the middle of a huge debate round as well as pandemic. We are the judges, listening to evidence come at us in such uncomfortable speeds by people who want us to believe them, that we just remember the “tags,” and don’t have time to dive deep into the details of all the information being shared with us.  So, we use the tags to convince us, one way or the other, of which side to believe. 

And ultimately, which side to act on.

There’s so much more I actually want to say, but heavens.  This post is already a novel. 

We are living in a time where it is easy to grow fear— of the unknown or of a virus or of losing jobs and freedoms.  Our fear actually makes it harder to analyze what we are reading and hearing, but it is more important now than ever.

I’ll be honest. I’m tempted to fear. I don’t like it when experts contradict and stats aren’t consistent, and logic isn’t easy, and people resort to name calling and card stacking to get points across. 

I don’t like knowing the truth about everything that is happening, either.

But I keep coming back to some bigger truths that sooth my soul, even when nothing else makes sense.  My faith grows clearer when facts become more elusive.

I know that I’m not supposed to have a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind.

Making sure that I’m reading and sharing things that are as factual, unbiased, and not needlessly creating fear is doing my part in having “a sound mind” in the middle of a restless world.

At the end of the day, I ultimately know that there is One who knows the truth about all of this.  About all of everything.  

And that belief in the midst of crazy provides the soundest mind of all.

My Fall Mother Culture Event Line-up!

I don’t know about you, but in the middle of doing the mom/wife/work/homeschool thing, it can be too easy to forget that we women need community and learning of our own.

It’s the whole “can’t pour from an empty cup” thing.

I’ve said this before, but before I learned about Charlotte Mason’s educational philosophy, I came across her advocacy for “Mother Culture” and…

I. was. sold.

Because it can be hard to find something in the community to fit my schedule for me to come to, I’ve started making small events in my home for others to come and attend. As a result of this time, I find motivation I need to tie up cleaning loose ends around the house (ahem…), learn something new, feel the fulfillment of seeing a project/event “completed” (versus chores, etc., that never stop), and opening my home to both my friends and any friends that *they* have… which allows me to meet new people at the same time.

I’ve just spent some time plotting out the fall classes, and can’t wait to get started prepping for them.

If you are in the upstate SC area and happen to come across this blog post, please connect! RSVP to one of these events and come on over! I’d love to meet you!

For those of you who are interested in doing events like this for yourself and want some tips on how to get something like this started, shoot me an email or leave me a comment! I’d love to chat and walk you through the process! It really is easier the more you do it!

Without further adieu, my upcoming Mother-Culture-inspired Community events!


(Click on pics to read more details!)

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Consider yourself officially invited to our Beanie & Brunch event! Grab yourself some thick, soft yarn and come learn how easy it is to knit with a loom!

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Are you a fan all things fall, pumpkin, and latte? Me, too!

I’m planning a small paint, sip, and sniff event at my home, and would love to see some old friends… and make some new ones!

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Did you know that November 14th is National Pickle Day?

In preparation for this amazing new-to-most-of-us holiday, come join us to learn an amazing new pickle recipe, packed with fresh veggies, herbs, and even some essential oils!


Fellow momma teachers, do yourself a favor…

If going to or planning events isn’t your thing, no worries. But please DO something for YOU.

As you plan a lesson for your kiddos, or sign them up for some class or extracurricular, make a commitment to invest time– and even money?– in your own enrichment, too.

YOU are worth it!

“Say more ‘yes’ to the right things.” (with My Right Things FREE DOWNLOAD)

The title of this post is a quotation I just read, like, 5 seconds ago. The words are from a successful mompreneur I’m reading right now, Lindsay Teague Moreno.*

Her quote actually summarizes the whole point of this post that I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of days, so voila: instant blog title.

I’ve posted about several “specifics” of what we are doing over here for school and how we are doing it. We’ve talked about:

And all of those things– checklists and curriculum and planning– come with small boxes to check and, often, to-do lists to do.

It would give you the impression that I thrive on details.

Confession: that’s not true.

If I get TOO locked into something, I start feeling twitchy and claustrophobic. That will eventually override my (needless) fear of not doing enough, and eventually make me cranky and shut down. If I feel like my day is a huge “DO THIS” instead of “BE THIS,” I languish.

That’s a very old word that seems a bit hyperbole-ish, doesn’t it?**

It’s not, in this case. Ha! I vascilate between all of the definitions up there. It’s pretty pathetic.

I’ve tried to talk myself out of this part of myself. But it hasn’t worked.

And you know what? Maybe it isn’t supposed to.

Maybe I’m not supposed to be a super checklist momma, as convenient as that might seem to be.

Instead, probably since my youngest was born, I’ve had to just come to terms that I have to stop being a control freak– not just over my circumstances, and my kids, but myself, too. At some point, you have to stop wasting energy to erase your weaknesses and instead, highlight your strengths.

You know what? Big picture is my strength.

And it is going “big picture” that saves my sanity a lot of times. The Big Picture showcases what is essential to me.

A brainstorming exercise that I recently did instructed me to write a list of values for my business. As I was writing them, it occurred to me that those values incapsulated 4 key areas that I wanted in EVERY area of my life, not just my business. I want these 4 things in myself, my home, and my homeschooling.

These 4 things can serve as My Right Things checklist for almost everything I want to do, and every lesson I want to teach. I’ve put them altogether in a print-off that I’m going to include on my walls in a few key locations in my home… and I’d thought I’d attach it here, in the hopes that these words resonate with any other Big Picture people.

I hope your day lets you imagine and spark imagination in others.
I hope you have the opportunity to both encourage and be encouraged yourself.
I hope you enjoy the power of education today– and that the knowledge you give and receive blesses you intellectually, morally, and socially.
I hope you take the time to truly enjoy today and everyday by seeking pleasure within the menial, noticing the benefit of each hour, and truly finding satisfaction with the ones you share your life with.

*She drops a lot of business goodies and truth bombs in her book Boss Up! You should check it out if you are balancing momming and businessing at the same time– or thinking about it. I wish I had several of her suggestions and early business walk-thru when I went into business a few years ago. But alas. Better late than never.

**Seriously, languish is an old word. Its origins are from the 14th century and comes from the latin word, languire, and means to “fail in strength and exhibit signs of approaching death.” It was probably originally used by a mother of 13 kids at a river, who was trying to pound a stain from a loincloth against a rock while simultaneously keep her 5 kids under the age of 4.5 from drowning. The other moms around her doing the same thing overheard, quickly made the word a part of their normal vocab, and the rest is history.

Why I “plan from behind.”

I first read about this brilliant concept from Julie Bogart’s The Brave Learner book, and it was so incredibly freeing! It felt wonderful to “have permission” to not stress and plan my life away in order to homeschool! I can spend my time actually teaching and learning with my kids, instead of just planning to… imagine that!

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the concept of planning from behind with homeschooling, it is when, instead of spending time to write in what you will be teaching all week/month/year in a planner, you write down what you actually accomplish in the planner as you do it throughout the day. No getting stressed and having to draw arrows and erase and re-write and scratch out things in the planner if things don’t go according to plan. Instead, your record is what you actually did on the actual day you did it.

I will say I do have a game plan for every day, so we aren’t unschooling. There is a rhythm of our day in my head, but my brain doesn’t store the details. The details work themselves out throughout our day and get recorded in the planner.

Speaking of the planner… it’s been three weeks since it came in the mail and I’ve geeked out over it! It’s a custom-made Plum Paper planner*, and I LOVE it! You can find a little bit of a virtual flip-through in my instagram post.

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Guuuuuuyyyyyssssss… I’m totally geeking out over here! This is my first ever purchase of anything @plumpaper and I 👏🏻 am 👏🏻in 👏🏻love! 😍 I was having such a hard time finding a planner that did everything I wanted it to… I wanted my life in one place— personal, business, and homeschool. I finally decided I was just going to design my own. Fast forward a month later, a project that was turning into a major timehog, and was going to need a loan to print off. 😂 And then I saw something about how Plum Paper had a design-your-own option. It was love at first sight! ❤️❤️❤️ I personalized the cover, the tabs, the inserts… even the categories for each week to include my schooled kiddos, home list, business list, etc. I even have a designated space for bravelearning and mother culture! Time will tell if it will stand up to the use I’ve planned for this, but the quality is so amazing, I don’t think I will have a problem at all! Sure sure. It was more money than I ever spent on a planner… but considering I was buying 3 different planners, it really isn’t that much more. The customization and the convenience of having it all in one place is worth it! Take a gander at just some of the pages in the planner! 📒 . . . #willowhome #willowacademy #embracingessentialism #essentiallearning #essentialliving #plumpaper #winplumpaper #calendar #planning #organizing #homeschool #homeschoolmom #bravelearner #bravelearning #motherculture #eclectichomeschool #homeeducator #mompreneur #writeitdown #document #planner

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I’ve gotten a few questions about how I personally make planning from behind work for me, so I thought I’d just explain the process that my brain goes through every day we do school.

I plan from behind by doing the next thing. I know we are going to do some enrichment basket, LA, Math, and either Science or History every day. Each of those things has its own pattern. So I simply follow the pattern based on the day before.

The way our LA rhythm works is: read aloud/journal/play (Blossom & Root), read aloud/narration/play (B&R), word game/reading word list/mini poem (B&R), copywork/a lesson from The Good and the Beautiful/free write. So, yesterday, was a read aloud/narration/play day, so I know today is going to be a word game/reading list/mini poem day. So I go to the relevant places: the next section of the book, the next list, the next poem worksheet. We do them. We write those pages, lists, etc. down in the planner.

And we do the same with everything else we do: math, science… even our enrichment basket. (I know some people don’t record what they do in the basket in their planners, but I do. Our enrichment basket covers art, music, poetry, nature study, growth mindset, habit training, Bible, life skills, Spanish, and handicrafts. Some of that is covered every day we do the basket. Some of it is looped. But either way, I think it is worth writing down and noting that we are incorporating those learning areas in our lives.)

So, that’s it. I follow our rhythm (basket, LA, Math, science or history), do the next thing, then right it down.

And it completely works for us! I KNOW and feel confident in the fact that I am keeping a good record of work for my children, yet enjoy that I don’t have to spend hours writing it all in just to feel disappointed or like I’m failing if I have to rearrange it for some reason.

It’s just another way that I’m determined to keep the essentials/most important in my life– and in our homeschool journey, that’s not just what I plan, but actually HOW I plan, too.

* If you’d like to try Plum Paper for yourself, feel free to use my referral code and get a discount!

The Conundrum of Motherhood & Mompreneuring… with a side of Disney

There’s a Disney quotation or lyric for everything, isn’t there?

My husband says that the entire movie of Emperor’s New Groove should be made into GIFs.

He’s not wrong…

The other day, my kids wanted to watch a movie. Considering it was hotter than the surface of the sun outside and the babykins was cranks from teeth coming in, I acquiesced and found myself overhearing snippets and songs from Hercules while cleaning the kitchen.

I began wondering how many years ago that movie came out, but stopped. It was a little discouraging… besides, I had already put away the math manipulatives. Ha!

Anyhoo, I’m wiping down counters when I hear teen Hercules singing “I can go the distance.” Applicable in the whole mothering thing in general, yes? But the phrase that kept repeating in my head after the song had stopped and the movie had moved on was “I would go most anywhere to feel that I belong.”

Man, I didn’t think I’d relate to a pubescent demi-god so much at this point in my life.

Motherhood has given me an identity crisis of sorts… and I know I’m not alone.

I’m reading a book right now for mompreneurs that hits on this fact.

It’s called Boss Up! by Lindsay Teague Moreno. It’s good. If you find yourself doing a side hustle or not-so-side hustle while homeschooling, you’ll find it super helpful. Inspiring, even. And a kick in pants, if you are needing motivation that a business is worth doing as a mom. The book acknowledges that motherhood isn’t as fulfilling for some women as we assumed it would be… and how some women aren’t happy being stay-at-home-moms and regret that decision. You know what? It’s true. I think it isn’t talked about as much as it should be– that motherhood isn’t what we thought it would be and doesn’t complete us like we were told it would. But wanting to stop being with my kids to go back into the workforce full-time or heavily part-time? I don’t fit in that category.

Here’s my thing: I want to “stay at home.” I want to teach my kids. I love this homeschooling gig. I love reading stories to my kids, and doing art with them, and seeing their little ah-ha moments. I love planning learning units. I’m a curriculum junkie… I love it! It fulfills me. It lights my fire.

It’s the day-in, day-out other stuff that I lament. Warning: I’m about to sound like my 3 year old when he drops his ice cream cone on the ground, okay? I completely understand that I don’t sound like a “mature” adult that is supposed to have her “big girl panties” on.

But the constant straightening? The constant dirty clothes and putting away clean ones? The constant wiping down puddles on sinks and rings in toilets? The constant making sure everything is up off of the floor so my crawling baby doesn’t choke on the trail of rocks my boy likes to sneak inside? The constant looking around and seeing 1,000 things to do that I have no desire to do? The undoneness of all the things that I don’t have time for that reminds me of all I didn’t get to when I’ve been busy all dang day?

The pretty-much-constant-unless-we-are-actively-engaged-with-school-or-mom fighting between my two oldest (6 and 3 yo)?

THESE things. They wear my soul down. Make me feel like I’m slowly drowning in things that must be done and tolerated instead of things that bring joy.

I used to teach college. Now when I teach outside of the home, it’s to upper-grade highschool. And sure, there’s some mundane-ness to teaching. Grading isn’t my favorite… but I love the privilege of seeing minds sharpened. I love how the act of learning benefits ALL– student and teacher alike. I feel like my energy and effort is “worth” something, versus folding underwear. Or <<shutter>> sifting through kids’ clothes to swap out sizes.

To borrow from yet another Disney song…

Basically, I want to homeschool my kids, soak in all the moments with them, outsource all the stuff I don’t want to do, and invest the time doing laundry and cleaning and and and…

into something else.

Into the business that I have on the side. It’s not even a want, really. It’s a need.*

I don’t want to be 100% home. I don’t want to be 100% outside-the-home, either.

I want what I want from both.

And I realize as I type that how completely unrealistic that sounds.

I think that’s why the idea of Essentialism appeals to me so very much.

Less, but BETTER.

I 100% agree with McKceown that “only once you give yourself the permission to stop trying to do it all, to stop saying yes to everyone, can you make your highest contribution towards the things that really matter.”

I think for women that want the best of staying at home, and want the best of contributing in external ways (like me)… we don’t feel like we belong in the SAHM camp OR the working mom camp. So, we end up trying to do BOTH… and that’s just. not. possible. (Enter burn-out.)

Something has to give.

It makes sense to keep what brings you joy, what you are good at, what gifts contribute to others’ good the most– and somehow say no to the rest.

Is that selfish? Or is that “essential?”

Because I’ll be honest. I didn’t decide to stop teaching college to stay home and clean my house all day. I did it so I could spend time with and educate my own children. My side job? It’s a flexible thing that I like doing that allows me to be present for my kids– not free up hours to sweep and referee at the same time.**

So, besides spending money (that I can’t currently budget) to bring in someone to do what I don’t want to do, what’s the answer?

Let the non-essentials go? Ignore them, despite the chaos it would cause?

Keep doing the non-essentials, despite the fact it wears on happiness and prevents solid time investments in a side job that would make it possible to financially afford concentrating on the essentials the way you want?

Are there any fellow women that land in this no-man-land’s of Motherhood? One foot in, one foot out of this SAHM, Working mom thing?

If so, I’d love to learn from you! Tell me how you handle this odd internal conflict AND how it practically looks for you in your home! Let’s encourage each other!

Comment on this post. Find me on facebook. Or connect with me on Insta or my page.

Let’s be friends!

*My business needs more of my time. But I don’t want to sacrifice my time with my kids for it. I will sacrifice bathroom clean-up. But I still need bathrooms to be clean… See the conundrum?

ˈsekyələr?

It’s interesting… the stereotypes behind homeschooling, isn’t it? From “lack of socialization,” wanting to have our kids “live in a bubble,” to wanting to sleep in and stay in pjs all day.

For Christian homeschool families, I think a major assumption is that we have chosen to homeschool because we are… afraid, for a lack of better word.

We are afraid of secular curriculum.

We are afraid of secular teachers.

We are afraid of secular kids.

We are afraid of secular schools.

We are afraid.

And lets be honest: there is a LOT to disagree with for conservative Christians. From the rejection of traditionally defined genders (with incidents of drag queen performances at schools, affirming gender switches in lower elementary grades (even allowing children to affirm their own gender at school separate from what parents documented, etc.), not including the secular humanist perspective that’s already pervasive in science, philosophy, etc., there is a lot to “fear.”

But for those who might be tempted to think that homeschooling is going to keep our kids from hearing about such things and living in such a world… I’m sorry. It doesn’t work that way. This IS the world we live in. Our children will HAVE to navigate it, as much as we wish they didn’t.

It’s our job to prepare them, not isolate them.

So, I’m not homeschooling my kids because I’m going to shelterthemfromallthethings.

I’m homeschooling them to prepare them uniquely– unique to my children. Unique to their gifts and abilities and our values as a family. That includes our faith of course; but it also includes…

  • our emphasis on loving story–the reading, writing, and telling.
  • appreciating and participating in music and arts. (There is a LOT of value in STEM, but I feel like the cutting/deemphasizing of creative arts is not good.)
  • lots of freeplaying and crafts/hands-on to help absorb big Truths and details alike

I’ve taught on the high school and college levels since 2005 (whhhhuuuutttt?! Pardon me as I ignore the fact that was 14 years ago!), and have noticed the trend to assess and test the love of education right out of students, and honestly, I have no desire for that to be true of my children. The students that succeed the most on the upper high school levels and in college are the ones who are still curious– that still ask questions and DARE TO GET IT WRONG in order to actually learn and explore, not just memorize to get right.

I want my kids to be prepared for life, not just a test.***

But I digress.

As a Christian homeschooling mom, I have made a choice that most people in my circles would squint at: I’m homeschooling and choosing to use a “declared-secular” curriculum as the major spine of our school year.

It will serve as our major science, nature study, language arts, and math/art study this year, as well as be a component of social studies.

Does it use living books and resources? Yes, and I LOVE that.

Do those living books and resources sometimes include evolutionary thought? Sometimes, yes.

In fact, one of the first science lessons is about teaching the principle that “everything on Earth, including us, come from the same material.” The major premise behind is “evolutionary” because of Big Bang Theory… but you know what? I don’t disagree with the lesson. Everything on Earth, including us, does have the same Origin, doesn’t it? We are all made of the same elements because our Creator made us with the same material. I can teach the lesson and talk about Divine Design.

So why not just go with a curriculum that I don’t have to tweak along the way here and there? Because this particular curriculum is constructed beautifully with 6 different areas to adapt the lesson depending on the type of day you want, or the learners you have. The ideas are living book based, hands-on, creative, thinking, and exploring… and frankly, I haven’t seen a non-secular curriculum have the options that this one does. Maybe one day there will be (my husband has even mentioned maybe I should do it), but I don’t have time to create it from scratch right now. So I will buy a great tool and tweak and/or omit here and there.

I will also admit that I find it interesting that so many things that are “secular” have a lot of Truth in them… because I don’t think people can escape Truth has much as they want to and think they can. (It’s true in Story, and it’s true in science.)

I’m not afraid to go with secular because, ultimately, I don’t think that the curriculum will be doing the brunt of educating my children.

The person–and perspective of the person– guiding children through their learning is the most important.

That’s us.

That’s us, whether we are homeschooling, or sending our kids to school.

We are the ultimate guides.

And as long as we make sure our hearts are in tune with Truth, and that our perspective is on what is really important, we don’t have to fear all.the.things.

We can rest, and have joy in the journey and in the road of learning we take with our children.

***Now, that’s not to say that I think that everyone who goes to public or private schools are doing it “wrong.” Not at all! Each family has to choose what’s right for each kid and for their family as a whole, and there’s a LOT of components in that decision-making process.

My observations are mine, and they shape my decision for my kids and family and what I think is best for them now. If my husband and I need to re-access in the future, we will.